"I'm afraid, but we have to go." "I'm afraid of driving, but I'm going to drive a bit anyway." "I'm afraid of crowded places without windows and I'm going to the supermarket on a sale day..." I hear this every day in different forms. People disabled by a phobia or serious anxiety trying to confront the source of their fear, as if desensitizing an allergy and gradually regaining their freedom.
Guess what? It's not working well... and it can even make the situation worse if it's really poorly done. Here's why.
Often, we believe that if we don't confront the source of our fears, it will become more and more present. Well, that's not entirely true, and sometimes the opposite happens. Yes, you have to confront your fears, find a way to overcome them, and function freely. But not by charging blindly because you absolutely need to inflict yourself a dose from time to time, no pain no gain and all that.
Understanding this mechanism involves first asking why the fear is present. Fears and anxieties are emotions that have been put in place to protect us from something. So no, it's not always very relevant, but the fear of death often lurks behind our anxieties.
So, if your subconscious is screaming at you to get the hell out when you're in a stressful situation and you respond, "You know what? I'll go anyway, I have to confront my fear!" Well, guess what... it will scream even louder. And in the long run, you may even react more and more strongly to the source of your anxieties, the signal reinforcing itself as the exposures continue.
So working on your fears and anxieties to feel more free, get back to work, get back in the car or plane for some, yes and yes again. And I'm here to help you achieve that. But provoking a panic attack regularly in the hope of getting out of it is like trying to numb your hand by hitting it with a hammer...
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